Exam Essay

Forfeited:

An essay about “Shoulders” by Naomi Shihab Nye

by Inpyo Hong

9th Grade English

Pine Point School

01/19/2012

         There is a Korean proverb that says, “Sacrificing your happiness for the happiness of the one you love, is by far, the truest type of love.” Naomi Shihab Nye’s poem, “Shoulders”, delineates the sacrifice that a man has made for his child. Similarly, my father and A Tale of Two Cities have a couple relationships with “Shoulders”. My father is a pillar of our family like the man in the poem who is willing to make sacrifices for his child; A Tale of Two Cities has characters who sacrifice themselves to achieve their goals.

         My dad has a few similarities with the man in “Shoulders”. To begin with, the line that says, “A man crosses the street in rain,” shows a connection between the man and my father. To me, the quote demonstrates that the man is going through difficult times. Likewise, my father is also striving through adversities and dilemmas—any crucial problems that occur at his workplace. Furthermore, the verse, “stepping gently, looking two times north and south, because his son is asleep on his shoulder,” also has a relationship with my father. The quote describes that even though the man is going through hard times; he takes a good care of his son and let him lean on his tired body. Comparably, even though my father is always busy working and dealing with numerous problems, he tries his best to be with his family and support them. Thus, my father has a couple resemblances with the man in “Shoulders”.

         Not only does my father have connections with the “Shoulders”, A Tale of Two Cities has a couple connections with the poem. Firstly, the line that says, “No car must splash him,” has a relationship with Charles. The line denotes that there should not be any obstacles that will harm the son. Charles relinquished his heritage and family wealth since he thought the guilt accumulated by his family will damage his life—a life free from sins and shames. In addition, the verse, “We’re not going to be able to live in this world if we’re not willing to do what he’s doing with one another,” has a similarity with the French people in A Tale of Two Cities. The French people in the book did not receive any benefits from their country and government. They decided to sacrifice their own lives and revolutionize and liberate themselves from the cruel tyranny. Therefore, Charles Darnay and the French people in A Tale of Two Cities have a couple analogies with “Shoulders”.

         In summation, my father and the characters—Charles Darnay and the French people—sacrificed to either save or sustain any significant matters in their life. My father forfeited his time and strength to support our family. Charles Darnay gave up his heritage and wealth to have a better life; also, the French people relinquished their lives to get freedom from the tyranny. Hence, “Shoulders”, my father, and A Tale of Two Cities mirror the Korean saying, “Sacrificing your happiness for the happiness of the one you love, is by far, the truest type of love.”

Essay #7

Sacrifice and Love:

An Essay on Sacrifice My Parents Have Made

By Inpyo Hong

9th Grade English

Pine Point School

01/05/12

There is a Korean adage that says, “Sacrificing your happiness for the happiness of the one you love, is by far, the truest type of love.” My parents sacrifice their happiness for my sisters’ and my hapiness. From their support and sacrifice, all of my sisters and I were able to grow up having a robust health and outstanding education. My father and mother sacrificed their time, energy, and health in order to reinforce our family with love and care.

My parents always work hard and endeavor to present my sisters and me a better education, food, and clothes than they have received while they were growing. To begin with, my father forfeits his own desires and sustain us with modest ambition that we need to have a better life than his. Born from a destitute family in South Korean countryside, my father was raised without sufficient support from his mother; his father died when my dad was three years old. Even without enough supply, my dad desired to be educated and successful in the future; this goal was achieved by striving through adversities. Now, he never complains about his job, but he is always ardent to go to his work in the early morning and comeback late at night. Thus, he provides a more comfortable and conducive environment—the advantage that helps us to enhance ourselves. Additionally, my mom always sacrifices to take care of me and help me study for every vacation. Since there is no one who could take care of me whenever I go to New Jersey, she always carries her weak body and flies from South Korea to the Untied States spending approximately twelve hours on an airplane. Even though she never gets abundant amount of sleep because of the time difference, she attempts to do everything such as cooking, driving, and buying all the materials for classes to help me get the best result out from studying at the academy in New Jersey. Therefore, my parents strive to bestow the happiness and love that they did not receive when they were young.

In summation, my father and mother relinquish their own aspiration, and sustain me and my sisters to have a better life. My father sacrifices to provide a more beneficial environment for us. My mother sacrifices to help me studying in New Jersey for every vacation. Hence, my father and mother mirror the Korean proverb: “Sacrificing [their] happiness for the happiness of [us they] love, is by far, the truest type of love.”

Essay #6

Illumination:

An Essay About Light in A Tale of Two Cities and My Life

by Inpyo Hong

9th Grade English

Pine Point School

12/02/11

Arlo Guthrie said, “You can't have a light without a dark to stick it in.” Light plays an essential role augmenting a melancholy mood in A Tale of Two Cities. Light represents indispensable tranquility in my discordant and tumultuous life. Light is a requisite for our serene life; without it, the world would be overshadowed with chaos.

To begin with, light is an emblem of hope in A Tale of Two Cities. Firstly, Charles Dickens utilized light in the section where Lucie Manette and Mr. Lorry encounter Dr. Manette—the estranged father of Miss Manette. Dr. Manette was immured in a dismal room where  no sufficient light, no entertainment, but only a window existed. Bleak, though it was, he longed for the hours the sun appeared providing his only source of light. Furthermore, in Chapter 2, a courier comes to search for Mr. Jarvis Lorry during the murky and shadowy night to give him an enigmatic letter that says, “Recalled to life.” Mr. Lorry “opened [the letter] in the light of the coach-lamp;” he held the letter and read it carefully under the radiant light according to the picture. The letter also said, “Wait at Dover for Ma’amselle,” which meant Mr. Lorry would hopefully meet a character who is unknown. If there were no light, Mr. Lorry would not be able to read the letter and do as the letter said. Additionally, Charles Dickens included light when depicting Lucie Manette’s somber room. Lucie Manette relied on the dim candlelight, which succumbed to the obscurity of her furnished room. On my reflection, the dim candlelight symbolizes Lucie Manette’s depressed spirit because of her father, who was assumed dead before found alive. Thus, Dr. Manette, Lucie Manette, and Mr. Lorry show how light is used as a token of hope in A Tale of Two Cities.

          Not only is light used as an effective symbol in A Tale of Two Cities, light is a pragmatic element in my life. Surprisingly enough, lights are on every street, avenue, underpass, even highways, saving our lives. Since light illuminates the roads, we are able to travel back and forth like I do from New Jersey to Connecticut. Without light, our transfer from place to place would be limited, or people would have to confront misadventures like vehicle accidents. Moreover, light extends our ability to continue study in the afternoon. We are now exceptionally sophisticated in languages and technologies because we were able to study in the bright morning and gloomy night with the advantage of using light. Nevertheless, if we did not have light for our study, we would not be civilized as we are currently since the time we could spend studying is restricted by how much we may read and write due to the deficient light. It is indisputable that light is also guiding our lives surrounded with temptation—deluding deeds that are catastrophic to the humanities if light did not exist. Light compels us to ameliorate our moralities; we feel condemned within ourselves to commit sins where light irradiates us. For example, I sometimes get allured by the captivation of going on “Facebook” and “Twitter”—my guilt these days—instead of studying late at night when it is dark and everyone is asleep, feeling safe and hidden within my surroundings. However, exposed by the light at school, I must endeavor towards my full concentration in the class and not doze. Hence, light is one of the most essential necessaries that enhance and control our lives.

          Consequently, the world would be overwhelmed with malevolence without light. Charles Dickens used light to denote hope in A Tale of Two Cities. Light saves us from numerous detrimental occasions and enhances our lives. Therefore, light, my life, and A Tale of Two Cities mirror Arlo Guthrie’s concept: “You can't have a light without a dark to stick it in.”

Self-Assessment:

1. One writing issue I am trying to work on: I am still continuing to work on using right grammar and apt words to make my sentences flow.

2. One possible strong point I see in this essay: By using good asyndeton and appositives, I made my my sentences stronger.

3. One possible weak point I see in this essay: I might have not used good examples for my SDs.

4. I would give myself an A-.

Essay #5

On my next essay, I want to pay a close attention to:

-Quotes that are not smoothly blended into your sentence

-Words that could be cut in order to make the sentence tighter and stronger

-Comma splices

-Incorrect titles

-Names that are not copied accurately

It’s All Right:

An Essay About Connections between “Here Comes the Sun”, My Life, and A Tale of Two Cities

by Inpyo Hong

9th Grade English

Pine Point School

11/18/11

    Maria Robinson said, “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” “Here Comes the Sun” exhibits how every day gives a chance to recommence. In A Tale of Two Cities, one renowned line, “It was the season of light, it was the season of darkness,” portrays that light--an opportunity to start all over--and darkness--mistakes that I have made in the past--stand equally. We have to accept the errors we make and take the chance to resume.

          To begin with, “Here Comes the Sun” and Pine Point Boys A Soccer team-- a team with spirited players who have a talent for playing soccer--have a few resemblances. Firstly, the verse that says, “It’s been a long, cold, lonely winter,” has a connection with the soccer team. The lyric displays the songwriter’s view that it has been a demanding epoch for him. During Barber Sports Tournament, my soccer team had a strenuous game against Williams in the finals, but we lost the shoot outs; it was an arduous moment for us since we played hard and desired to win the tournament. Additionally, the lyric, “It seems like years since it’s been here,” has another similarity. The line depicts that the perplexing and laborious period has been long enough for the songwriter. In the tournament, my team fought hard and defeated our competitors until semifinals, but it felt like we had been playing those tiring soccer games unceasingly for hours after the loss in the finals. Furthermore, the line that says, “Here comes the sun, and I say it’s alright,” has another similarity with my team. The lyric means every new day gives an opportunity to start all over and forget about mistakes that have been made in the past. After the dreary tournament, all the players rallied and comforted each other by saying, “We did our best, but our best didn’t bring us the glory. We have no reason to be discouraged.” Therefore, our ardent participation in the tournament exhibits the connections to “Here Comes the Sun”.

Not only does Boys A Soccer team have attributes in common with “Here Comes the Sun”, I have several connections with the song. The lyric that says, “It’s been a long, cold, lonely winter,” has a relationship with myself during the entire soccer season. At the beginning of the season, I was irritated how disorganized and inefficient my team was; approximately half of the players were insincere about being a part of the team and playing soccer. After being defeated by Williams on our first game, I presumed this is going to be “a long, [strenuous and unsatisfying season.]” Furthermore, the line, “I see the ice is slowly melting,” has another connection. The verse means to me that all the mistakes and adversities the songwriter had are going away and bringing an opportunity to start all over. After the desolate loss, I began treating others as brothers, and I ceased treating them with disrespect; this augmented the players’ trust in each other and even endurance since everyone started to feel responsible about the team’s result. In addition, the verse that says, “The smiles returning to the faces,” has another resemblance. The lyric displays the songwriter’s bliss since he could start all over now and forget about the errors he made in the past. Similarly, by working as a team and brothers, we had magnificent results: conquering every school but only two exceptions—Williams and Foote—because we trusted and supported each other. Thus, my behavior during the soccer season affected the air of the team which delineates the relationship with “Here Comes the Sun”.

Consequently, it is always preferable to embrace the blunders we make and take the opportunity to start over. Even though Boys A Soccer team won the second place on the tournament, they encouraged and supported each other recounting their best efforts to win the tournament. I altered my irritating behavior to brotherly behavior in order to help improve our soccer players’ teamwork and skills and camaraderie. Hence, “Here Comes the Sun”, my life, and A Tale of Two Cities mirror Maria Robinson’s concept: “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”

Self-Assessment:

1. One writing issue I am trying to work on: I am continuing to work on using right grammar and apt words to make my sentences flow.

2. One possible strong point I see in this essay: I believe the transitions I wrote my writing flow. Also, by using good assonance and antithesis, I made my my sentences stronger.

3. One possible weak point I see in this essay: I might have not used good examples for each quotes.

4. I would give myself an A-.

Essay #4

In my next essay, I want to pay close attention to:
-titles
-Sentences that are beautifully written
-Quotes that are too long, thus making the whole sentence somewhat awkward

Leave It Behind:

An Essay About Relationships between “Walk On” and My Grandmother and The Youngers

by Inpyo Hong

9th Grade English

Pine Point School

11/01/11

    Elias A. Ford said, “Every hardship; every joy; every temptation is a challenge of spirit; that the human soul may prove itself.” “Walk On” portrays the adversities that we go through in life. My grandmother and the Youngers in “A Raisin in the Sun” have several resemblances with “Walk On”. We have to walk on and progress even though we confront many afflictions.
    To begin with, “Walk On” and my grandmother have a few similarities. Firstly, the verse that says, “You’re packing a suitcase for a place none of us has been. A place that has to be believed to be seen,” has a connection with my grandmother. People have to survive, people have to be strong, people have to hold fast to their morals, no matter what they confront in their life, just like being ready to go to “a place none of us has been.” (Anaphora) My grandmother was strong, she never complained about her health even though the lower part of her body was paralyzed before she passed away. Furthermore, a line of the song says, “And love is not the easy thing. The only baggage you can bring. Is all that you can’t leave behind,” has another relationship to my grandmother. To me, the lyric means that love is the only thing we may take to heaven after we die. My grandmother’s last expression was a grin (F.A.S.T.); it seemed to me she was bringing all the love she had received to heaven. Thus, my grandmother became strong, survived, held fast to her morals, took love to heaven, which exhibit the resemblances with “Walk On”. (Asyndeton)

Not only does my grandmother have similarities with “Walk on”, “A Raisin in the Sun” has a couple connections. The lyric that says, “Walk on, walk on. What you got, they can't steal it,” has a relationship with African American family in “Raisin in the Sun”. Lena Younger—a character who is called “Mama” from “A Raisin in the Sun”—bought a house in the town where white people mostly live. Mr. Karl Linder, the only white character in the play, the person from “Clybourne Park Improvement Association,” the person who is ridiculed (F.A.S.T.) by Walter Lee Younger, attempts to convince the Younger family to reconsider (F.A.S.T.) moving into the town, but the Youngers do not change their decision. (Asyndeton) Additionally, the verse that says, “And I know it aches. And your heart it breaks. You can only take so much. Walk on,” has another resemblance. Walter, a man who is supposed to be the pillar of his family, a man who dreams of being successful with his friends, investigates most of the money he received from his dad to a liquor store venture. (Anaphora) Even though he loses the money he invested, and hurts his family, he always ascertains (F.A.S.T.) solutions to make his family survive. Hence, the Youngers do not let Mr. Linder to beguile them to change their decision, and Walter find solutions and walks on no matter what happens like U2 revealed in their song.

To conclude, we have to surmount the adversities we encounter and move on. My grandmother confronted a multitude of hardships, but she survived and walked on. The Youngers do not let themselves fall into any difficult situation. Therefore, “Walk On”, my grandmother, and the Youngers mirror Elias A. Ford’s concept: “Every hardship; every joy; every temptation is a challenge of spirit; that the human soul may prove itself.”

Self Assessment:

1. One writing issue I am trying to work on: I am continuing to work on using right grammar and apt words to make my sentences flow.
2. One possible strong point I see in this essay: I believe the transitions I wrote my writing flow. Also, by using anaphora and asyndeton, I made my my sentences stronger.
3. One possible weak point I see in this essay: I might have not used good examples for each quotes.
4. I would give myself an A-.

Essay #3

Desperado:

Connections with “Desperado”

An Essay by Inpyo Hong

9th Grade English

Pine Point School

10/20/11

Mother Teresa said, “The most terrible poverty is loneliness, and the feeling of being unloved.” “Desperado” portrays the loneliness of a man who does not let himself fall in love. Joon-Pyo, a main character from a Korean drama—“Boys Over Flowers”—and my cousin, Myung-Hoon, have a few resemblances to “Desperado.” Without love, there are manifold significant matters we lose, manifold hindrances we gain, and manifold lessons we learn.(Anaphora)

To begin with, “Desperado” and Joon-Pyo have a few similarities. First of all, the lyric that says, “Desperado, why don't you come to your senses? You’ve been out ridin' fences for so long now. Oh, you're a hard one. I know that you got your reasons. These things that are pleasin' you can hurt you somehow,” has a connection with Joon-Pyo. The lyric is about a man who meets different women but does not let himself fall in love with someone who truly loves him, and this void in his being is detrimental to him. Joon-Pyo dates several girls who do not actually love him but meet him only because of his magnificent wealth, but he refuses to meet a girl named Jan-Di—another main character—from the countryside who certainly loves him. Furthermore, there is another similarity in the verse that says, “Now it seems to me, some fine things have been laid upon your table. But you only want the ones that you can't get.” The verse describes how the man could choose one of numerous fine women, but he only wishes to date the ones who will not love him sincerely. Joon-Pyo could date Jan-Di, an intelligent and adorable girl, but since he believes that love is childish and unrefined, he avoids seeing Jan-Di. Moreover, Joon-Pyo and the lyric—“Desperado, why don't you come to your senses? Come down from your fences, open the gate. It may be rainin', but there's a rainbow above you. You better let somebody love you, before it's too late”—have another relationship. The lyric reveals that the songwriter is advising the man to forget about his shallow desires and look for a woman who truly loves him. Similarly, after Joon-Pyo loses his friends and finds himself alone, he looks for a woman who sincerely loves him. Finally, Joon-Pyo learns that without true love his affluence(F.A.S.T) and fame are hollow.

“Desperado” also has several connections with my cousin, Myung-Hoon. Firstly, the lyric—“Don't you draw the queen of diamonds, boy. She'll beat you if she's able. You know the queen of hearts is always your best bet”—has a similarity with Myung-Hoon. The lyric suggests the songwriter is advising the man to choose the queen of hearts, a woman who is intelligent and substantial, instead of the queen of diamonds, a woman who is superficially alluring.(F.A.S.T) Similarly, Myung-Hoon is interested in a woman who is beautiful and attractive rather than a woman who is intellectual and substantial. Additionally, the verse that says, “Desperado, oh, you ain't gettin' no younger. Your pain and your hunger, they're drivin' you home. And freedom, oh freedom well, that's just some people talkin'. Your prison is walking through this world all alone,” has a connection with my cousin. The verse shows that the man has not settled down with a woman yet even though his time is running out. Myung-Hoon is very similar to the man depicted in “Desperado” since he is getting older and older but he has not found his true love yet. Furthermore, Myung-Hoon and the lyric–“Don't your feet get cold in the winter time? The sky won't snow and the sun won't shine. It's hard to tell the night time from the day. You're losin' all your highs and lows. Ain't it funny how the feeling goes away?”—have another resemblance. The lyric shows the songwriter questioning how cold and lonely it is to wander from a woman to woman, and how it is getting pointless. My cousin also wandered from a woman to woman and he feels empty now because he is getting older but he could not find his love yet. Thus, my cousin lost his time wandering from a woman to woman, and became lonely, and grown older without finding true love.(Polysyndeton)

To conclude, we stand the chance to lose what really matters and build walls instead of relationships without love. Joon-Pyo loses his friends and becomes lonely because he ignores true love and lives without it. Myung-Hoon wasted precious time, grew older, and became lonely without true love. Therefore, “Desperado”, Joon-Pyo, and Myung-Hoon mirror Mother Teresa’s concept: “The most terrible poverty is loneliness, and the feeling of being unloved.”

Self-Assessment:

1. One issue I am continuing to work on: I am continuing to work on using apt words that fit perfectly in sentences. I worked hard to not make any grammar mistakes.
2. One possible strong point I see in this essay: Quotes and examples support the topic of this essay. My examples are well related to the song, “Desperado”.
3. One possible weak point I see in this essay: I might have used too many words in each sentence. I used a few short sentences, but I think it could make people confused.
4. I would give my self an A-.

Periodic Sentence

You always say you don't want to see your parents everyday, and you don't want to see your sisters and brothers everyday, and you don't want to see your friends everyday; but what if you can't even though you want to, and you are given only a couple opportunities a year to see them all?