Essay #5

On my next essay, I want to pay a close attention to:

-Quotes that are not smoothly blended into your sentence

-Words that could be cut in order to make the sentence tighter and stronger

-Comma splices

-Incorrect titles

-Names that are not copied accurately

It’s All Right:

An Essay About Connections between “Here Comes the Sun”, My Life, and A Tale of Two Cities

by Inpyo Hong

9th Grade English

Pine Point School

11/18/11

    Maria Robinson said, “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” “Here Comes the Sun” exhibits how every day gives a chance to recommence. In A Tale of Two Cities, one renowned line, “It was the season of light, it was the season of darkness,” portrays that light--an opportunity to start all over--and darkness--mistakes that I have made in the past--stand equally. We have to accept the errors we make and take the chance to resume.

          To begin with, “Here Comes the Sun” and Pine Point Boys A Soccer team-- a team with spirited players who have a talent for playing soccer--have a few resemblances. Firstly, the verse that says, “It’s been a long, cold, lonely winter,” has a connection with the soccer team. The lyric displays the songwriter’s view that it has been a demanding epoch for him. During Barber Sports Tournament, my soccer team had a strenuous game against Williams in the finals, but we lost the shoot outs; it was an arduous moment for us since we played hard and desired to win the tournament. Additionally, the lyric, “It seems like years since it’s been here,” has another similarity. The line depicts that the perplexing and laborious period has been long enough for the songwriter. In the tournament, my team fought hard and defeated our competitors until semifinals, but it felt like we had been playing those tiring soccer games unceasingly for hours after the loss in the finals. Furthermore, the line that says, “Here comes the sun, and I say it’s alright,” has another similarity with my team. The lyric means every new day gives an opportunity to start all over and forget about mistakes that have been made in the past. After the dreary tournament, all the players rallied and comforted each other by saying, “We did our best, but our best didn’t bring us the glory. We have no reason to be discouraged.” Therefore, our ardent participation in the tournament exhibits the connections to “Here Comes the Sun”.

Not only does Boys A Soccer team have attributes in common with “Here Comes the Sun”, I have several connections with the song. The lyric that says, “It’s been a long, cold, lonely winter,” has a relationship with myself during the entire soccer season. At the beginning of the season, I was irritated how disorganized and inefficient my team was; approximately half of the players were insincere about being a part of the team and playing soccer. After being defeated by Williams on our first game, I presumed this is going to be “a long, [strenuous and unsatisfying season.]” Furthermore, the line, “I see the ice is slowly melting,” has another connection. The verse means to me that all the mistakes and adversities the songwriter had are going away and bringing an opportunity to start all over. After the desolate loss, I began treating others as brothers, and I ceased treating them with disrespect; this augmented the players’ trust in each other and even endurance since everyone started to feel responsible about the team’s result. In addition, the verse that says, “The smiles returning to the faces,” has another resemblance. The lyric displays the songwriter’s bliss since he could start all over now and forget about the errors he made in the past. Similarly, by working as a team and brothers, we had magnificent results: conquering every school but only two exceptions—Williams and Foote—because we trusted and supported each other. Thus, my behavior during the soccer season affected the air of the team which delineates the relationship with “Here Comes the Sun”.

Consequently, it is always preferable to embrace the blunders we make and take the opportunity to start over. Even though Boys A Soccer team won the second place on the tournament, they encouraged and supported each other recounting their best efforts to win the tournament. I altered my irritating behavior to brotherly behavior in order to help improve our soccer players’ teamwork and skills and camaraderie. Hence, “Here Comes the Sun”, my life, and A Tale of Two Cities mirror Maria Robinson’s concept: “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”

Self-Assessment:

1. One writing issue I am trying to work on: I am continuing to work on using right grammar and apt words to make my sentences flow.

2. One possible strong point I see in this essay: I believe the transitions I wrote my writing flow. Also, by using good assonance and antithesis, I made my my sentences stronger.

3. One possible weak point I see in this essay: I might have not used good examples for each quotes.

4. I would give myself an A-.